The Mayhem-Hawkince rivalry is a Mount and Blade:Warband Napoleonic Wars domination between Canadian player Hawkince and American player (epic noob got 7-broed LOLOLOL) Mayhem. Below is Mayhem's fanfiction of Hawkince as he describes his epic life. Mayhem is a former fanboy turned angry villain after Hawkince refused to take Mayhem under his wing for melee training.
A wikipedia and over 1000 bar diss and life story about a pennyless, trolling fat, and overall loser in every aspect of life who still lives with his parents and somehow has confused reality with a video game that hes unstoppable and can get away with anything in everyway possible including making memes about me this will bring him back down to earth and not only meme the crap out of this kid but also tell everyone who this kid really is as a person as I feel he needs to be exposed not just to everyone on "Mount and Blade Napoleonic Wars" but the entire world forever Immortalized here (eat your heart out OG The game). I probaly spelled his name wrong to but thats ok im doing everyone a favor, I'm not gonna correct this I'll just post his steam link in the end to so no one can confuse him for someone else as well.
Hawkvince Chapter 1: Birth
Hawkvince's parents were playing beer ping pong one night and were probaly somewhere 3/4's done with vodka and 20-30 beers (pretty smashed). So they do what most people who make mistakes do they had sex but it wasn't surprising the "Physical part" that led to hawkvince being born, it was after the two have had sex which was "protected" btw and his father had fallen asleep that his mother immeadiately looked for "semen" on their bed they just used and proceded to laugh evily and say "Imma ruin this poor man's life" so she took her two fingers, stuck them on in the semon on the bed and then proceded to immeadiately rub it in his clit "Vaginia" in a clear attempt to get herself pregnant. If you read further thru this article you will understand why hawkvince is not only everything I have said him out to be true but why hes also so evil and a dick to everyone in the nw community because the real cold truth is his birth wasn't even validated by both parents. In otherwords him being born was just a complete mistake as well as it being on purpose just to spit and whip someone else and basically screw them into taking care of some kid they never asked for. Initially hawkvince's father was very scared and pissed off he had learned he had knocked his girlfriend up (hawkvince's mom) He only got more furious after doing abit of digging around into this matter because he had also had a plan of his own. He initially had a camera hidden in the bathroom before the two had sex because he to had also formed a idea to show all his other friends later on and further boost his own ego and confidence after showing everyone he had made it with a women and was no longer "gay" after sleeping with his "highschool janitor" over 100 times in the reverse cowboy position which the janitor confirmed for us as well as how you will find at at the end of this first topics conclussion!! Well he seen his girlfriend not only impregnant herself but spite him in a evil way with words short of like smeagol from the lord of the rings would say, it was never known why she spited him maybe she knew about her boyfriends hidden camera and attempt to defeminize himself after being caught sleeping and in the arms of another man we will never know unfortunately :(!!!!. (Hawkvince's parents having sex as professionals!!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLfzyqONlF0 ) So hawkvince's father was convinced he was not the father and his mother was totally convinced he was so they both agreed to not only a paternity test on the jerry springer show but multiple lie detector tests to not only prove once and for all who was lieing but if hawkvince's father was indeed the father. The did what any smart couple do when their mad at eachother they proceded to yell insults at eachother, dance around like chimps and even try to hit eachother as soon as a boxing ring bell rang mysteriously even after the jerry springer show no one knows why!? The results came in that hawkvince's mother was actually a woman born a man, had slept with hundreds of men and women, hawkvince's father was molested as a child by his own father who proceded to rape him with a trucker uniform (Omg so weird LOL) and a "larry the cableguy accent" and even was caught molesting "the family's dog" on numerous accounts as well as he was unexpectedly the father of young hawkvince who almost had his dick chopped off at birth because the doctor somehow mistook him for a girl and thought it was in the way. So now you know the origin of how hawkvince was born, who gave him his upbringing, and alittle bit more tho as to why hes so screwed up the way he is today and does the things he does in the community of a video game he has confused with reality and as his life's dream (Dude get a job omg).
Hawkvince Chapter 2: Midlife (Nw days)
Lets be honest here he hasn't really acomplished much at all besides run his mouth and try to make himself look cool infront of people infact I don't really think anyone knows of the only real achievements he has besides afew things like repeatly saying things to hurt other people even when he knows that they aren't true which we all know why if you read how he was born you would actually feel more sorry for him and sympothize with him so thats what were all gonna do as well as sing kumbaya by a fire in the middle of the summer in 100 degree weather (LOL). Anyways onto what we know about hawkvince we know that he trash talks numerous people but the catch is he has to do it infront of other people because he don't have no self confidence because he has yet to fully mature yet and has never even been with a women besides his spiteful mother (Like wow bro really wtf? LOL) which we all know she won't do things with him a real women would do with him unless they you know......."did" which wouldn't be surprising with his upbringing and how his parents really are. One of hawkvince's achievements is going a full mile to "first to seven 1v1 duel" a melee great in mount and blade napoleonic wars (Superb Pedro) and a good guy overall who has morales who can be confused as a troll but just likes to joke around alot and losing to superb pedro twice ina row (2 duels back to back). For awhile after that he proceded to underhanded tactic's like trying to diss pedro or attack him under hidden aliases to make himself feel better after being royally flushed by his opponent (raped). Also for the first time ever since I felt like typing (omg wow) I will speak of his second known accomplishment if you can call it that just seems more like the rambles of a oldman on his last ventilator at the age of 25. Anyways I have come into contact numerous times against hawkvince in team games, or 1v1 duel servers and for w.e reason when i was enjoying myself like i do with anyone else regardless if I win or lose I managed to beat him more times then he beat me which really isn't a big deal to me because hes a nobody and even shot him numerous times in the head (feel free to check all the videos we have both been in it will tell you the story as I have told it). He gets this notion stuck in his head that im better then him and he has to make memes and or try to bait me into 1v1ing him which im to smart to fall for as well as I do not even play competitive gameplay anymore so imma just keep doing what you see on this thread and roast him. So you see were all his hate stems from when i don't even reply to him most of the time unless I happen to read what he says so I decided to write his life's work here as well as fully expose him so that i may never have to explain myself to another "weak minded individual" again who manages to believe him over me and bring him up to me who overall view him and put the final nail in this kids coffin because after this entire thread he will be done or ill just keep finding more things to add to his new wikipedia that 100% covers his real life!!. So the majority of what i just said is hawkvince has a mental disorder were if he thinks your better then him (Bipolar and probaly alzheimer's) he has to go out of his way to prove to you(inside his head ofcourse) that hes the better man. He still plays in nw tourneys and leagues as well as insults people and trys to throw them off their game because he don't wanna win the honorful way with skill alone as well as challenge a better duelist to a 1v1 by adding them on their steam and talking to them direclty like a man (coward) and has to get people in his corner always and have them around so that he can validate himself that everything he does is legit even tho it isn't in the eyes of any great person alive today they will tell you the same thing I have said as well but their off doing great things Like I am now and have sadly forgotton hawkvince exists like I will after this thread is done so lets honor him as a normal person who has been targeted, insulted, or attempted bullied by someone like hawkvince himself should be right? Anyways that sums up basically anything at all hawkvince has managed to achieve in nw that he didn't negatively and dishonorably influence to make himself a better person in the eyes of others who sadly never know what kind of person he trully was till this thread was made your welcome its 100% true.
Hawkvince Chapter 3: Retirement and Premature death
Hawkvince now aged 30 is finnaly ready to settle down in life after all his drug overusing as well as all his intoxicated nights alone in his room with no friends besides the people inside their houses he types to or messages on steam or on his friends list That he fyi has never even met or gone out to have afew beers with (SAD). He has managed to fully convince himself he is the single greatest napoleonic wars duelist who has ever lived and that everyone else including his own friends suck and are beneath him and his awesome ability to micro really fast and flawless movements ingame with his bayonet and aim direction which results in lots of wins for him and no deaths (which isn't really true but we have to be supportive :) ) has fully immortalized him and what he has accomplished in life is better then anyone else could accomplishment even tho they make more money then him and overall lead happier lives then the grizzled and battle keyboard worn proud hawkvince could ever have!!!! So hawkvince is also ready to settle down and start a family naturally he has no idea wtf to do or how to even accomplish this since hes never been with a real women before or had "proper men on girl sex" besides with other men hes not telling people which will become more obvious at the conclussion of this chapter!!! Hawkvince finds a will left to him by his mom which not only encloses all the money she initially left him (a few grand woohoo) but also a suitable wife for him which happens to be her 80 year old sister whos been battling cancer for 5 years now. He naturally agrees out of his own curiousity to be with a real women (whos seasoned hahahaha) and can hold him down and be the women he deserves (dominiatrix) and meets her which he falls head over heels for in love with and promises that they wil be married. Unfortunately tho dude to all of hawkvinces days of partying hard and drug overuing inside his room by himself with his friends online because he never managed to leave his own house left him pennyless and without financesso he did abit of digging around but he did finnaly manage to find their dream wedding venue all he had to do now was come up with the resources which he did to make a suitable podium for them to be married on which he broke down a "banana box" and flattened so they could both stand on it and get married in the parking lot of a chuckie cheese's restaurant and even got commemorated by the owner with afew slices that he gives out to homeless people to get them to leave his establishment and stop sleeping under his benches (Wow so epic!!!). They then proceeded to have their honey moon in the back alley of a mcdonalds and have uncontrollable sex while they both moaned outlous which she thought was really weird for a man to do before he dropped to the floor at the end of the climax and started to foam at the mouth. 8;15pm that night hawkvince was pronouced dead due to cardiac arrest and a colon infection due to the fact his wife never told him about her "6 footlong secret" in her pants which totally surprised the hell out of him but hey he liked it and found it kind of kinky and went with it and proceeded to take it up the old trumpet windpipes as a nw musician would say as well as a die hard nw Mount and blade warband player. No one could afford a coffin for hawkvince to use or they just didn't like him so they let him use a discarded refrigerator they managed to dump all the crap out of it so they could fit hawkvince in and give him that "vip coffin lifestyle he rightfully deserved" Hawkvince was then buried 12 feet below and in cement because the father who hosted the funeral for hawkvince was superstitious about zombies and hawkvince comming back to eat out his brains and kill everyone so that was the last time anyone saw hawkvince again he also didn't leave behind any offspring/succesors which is sad but at the same thing not a bad loss for mankind either the end.
P.s for those of you who don't know what im talking about this is the guy to whom i refer to https://steamcommunity.com/id/yeaimsheckwes so there can be no one being accidently confused by mistake.